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Goooooooooooooool!!!!

The top 55 goals in the World Cup. Doesn't seem to work on a Mac using Firefox, though.

Congrats, Assclowns!

Not to take anything at all away from Dwyane Wade, who is an absolute basketball god, or from Shaqwizzle, who deserves all the acolades and praise he's ever gotten, but a few things about the Miami Heat as NBA champions just don't feel right to me.

- Every championship team has players on it that really don't deserve a ring for whatever reason. I mean, the fact that Bill Wennington has a ring but Barkley doesn't? Criminal. But this Miami team has just taken this to new heights. Toine, Whit Eboy, Jason Kapono. Then you got players like Zo and Gary Payton who just piggybacked on Shaq in the twilight of their careers to shamelessly get their greazy hands on a ring.

- Pat Riley, though he's a legend, is just a huge dickface. Sure he's a better coach than Stan Van Gundy but to just drop homeslice when he perceives that his squad could be in the running for the Larry O'Brien? While Stan had taken a team of a rookie Wade, Lamar Odom and Rafer to the second round? That much bad karma should've gauranteed that South Beach never gets a ring.

- Back to Wade. He is absolutely fucking amazing. But for some reason, if I were a kid right now, I just know that I wouldn't have a poster of him on my wall. He's just not an underdog and has absolutely no charisma. It's like he's reading off some grammatically incorrect cue cards. If he were playing on a shitty team and/or without Shaq and/or in the NYC metro area, he'd be getting A-Rod treatment.

- Not to pile on, but, seriously, his name really fucking bothers me. Now that he's a legit legend, it's really a problem. I've said it before but, Dwyane, if you're reading, stage a press conference and either explain why your name is spelled wrong (inside joke, dumb/drunk mom, doctors name was spelled wrong, too) or just change it. Because right now, what, do we pronounce it DweeYAne? DwyAne? Dwayne? Plus, come on people!!! Kadeem Hardison is still alive!!!!



- OK, really, not to pile on. But the ref's treatment of Dwyane was just absurd. I don't even want to mention Game 5 because that was just a joke. But did anyone else see that Dwyane basically punched Dirk in the stomach while he was driving in the 4th and ended up shooting two free throws? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! How can this sport be taken seriously after something like that?

So, yeah, I'm not happy with this at all. Check Bill Simmons for some more hate. I basically co-sign everthing he says here. This is just bad for the NBA.

What's On Your iPod, Funny Guy? (remix feat. A-Wood)

Stereogum recently asked some of the biggest comedians in the game, including big homey Aziz Ansari, to comment on the first 7 songs that come up on shuffle mode on their iPod. Since I'm also a funny guy and I also have an iPod, I decided to do this little exercise myself.

1. Gravediggaz - Graveyard Chamber

Danja, danja! 6 Feet Deep, is probably one of the most underrated hip-hop albums of all time. Classic beats with songs about suicide, hallucinogens, head-bangin' and being posssessed by demons. I gotta say, though, if there were a track to skp on this album, this would probably be the one. Interestingly, I've been meaning to post about Prince Paul for a few days. He was recently quoted as saying that it's impossible to make those old boom-bap East Coast records anymore because of sampling laws. Personally, I love Paul, but he should maybe stop crying. More on this later.

2. Nas - New York State of Mind

How serendipitous! Possibly my favorite track on everbody's favorite hip-hop album ever. I mean, what can I really say about this track? It's just pure gutter and it, obviously, set the bar way too high for the rest of Nasty's career. In college, I compared Illmatic, Ready to Die and Reasonable Doubt to Romanticism a la Mozart and friends. I got an A- on it. My professor was some scatterbrained old English dude. Game recongize game.

3. Busta Rhymes ft. Pharrell - Light Your Ass on Fire

I have no clue how this song is on my iPod. I have a Canal Street copy of Clones somewhere among my collection, but I never burned that on to my computer. Anyway, it looks like this track is from some promo CD or some shit. So, yeah, no idea. And I'd probably skip it if it came on in my headphones. I liked this song for a little while when the video first came out (you can probably figure out why, if you've seen the video) but if I want Busta or Pharrell or Busta with Pharrell, there are better places to look.

4. Calyx & Kontrol - Erased From Existence (mixed by Goldie)

I couldn't exactly pick this track out of lineup because it's just part of some big-ass Goldie mix that I have. Calyx & Kontrol? No idea. But they're probably British dudes who have unkempt hair, stubble and smoke a lot of spliffs, as the Fader would want to point out. I usually just listen to these mixes straight through and don't really pay attention to the artist or song title. If Goldie likes it, chances are I probably will, too. Can't wait til he comes back to New York.

5. Radiohead - Morning Bell/Amnesiac

I never really got into Amnesiac. It's definitely a great album, but if I'm gonna listen to Radiohead, I usually stick to The Bends, Kid A or OK Computer. For whatever reason, I never really bonded with Amnesiac or any post-Kid A Radiohead for that matter. Bends, I remember listening to that driving around the English countryside when I visited Britain in high school. Kid A, along with Stankonia absolutely dominated my first semester of freshman year. Amnesiac, while it's nice to listen to and all, I really have no warm and fuzzy memories to associate it with. Sorry, Thome Yorke.

6. Massive Attack - Daydreaming

Can you tell I have a thing for British music? Anyway, Blue Lines is one of my favorite albums of all time. Honestly, it's probably in my top 5. It's kind of like the English version of Ilmatic. Not too long, great beats, introspective lyrics and totally evocative of a particular time and place. (I'm guessing, of course. I didn't hang out in Bristol in the late 80s nor did I spend too much time in Queensbridge in the mid-90s.) And this track, pound for pound, might be the absolute best track on the album. One of the first times I ever drove completely stoned out of my mind, it was to this song. Ahhhh memories.

(I actually skipped a bunch of songs before this one. One was by Aphex Twin, but this post has already exceeded its druggy British shaggy dude quota by a lot, one was by Bloc Party who I keep meaning to check out, one was some Beck bootleg, but he's a Scientologist douchebag according to sources, one was that Biggie/Ghostface collabo from Fishscale that doesn't really inspire me (the collabing with a dead Biggie, I mean) and a couple were songs that I really have no idea about.)

7. Pennyroyal Tea - Nirvana

I listened to In Utero a couple weeks ago for the first time in a while and, man, what an album. Half of the songs are really meaningful, earnest and bittersweet, like "Pennyroyal" for example or "All Apologies" or "Dumb," the other half are just bizarre and don't mean anything, other than Kurt Cobain wants to kill himself and were just put on the album to fill out some major label requirement. I'm talking "Radio Friendly Unit Shifter," "tourette's," "Milk It" or even "Heart-Shaped Box." I would like to eat your cancer when you turn black? Bi-polar opposites attract, all of a sudden my water broke? Look on the bright side suicide? Whatever, Kurt. Interestingly, though, I like these songs the best. There's something to be said for the fact that this band could just fuck around and make music catchier than 99% of the competition out there who wanted nothing more than to get in the Buzz Bin in the early 90s. You can't say they were doing anything new. But, they had talent out the ass and personality. And, well, just ask Jules Winfield about personality.

Sucking Off the World Cup

I'm so ensonced in the World Cup that I can't even care about the NBA Finals. Dwyane Wade going for 42 and 13? Eh.



I can't help but get caught up in the fact that over 2 billion people are completely obsessed with the Cup, while, what, 30-40 million are watching the NBA? 8 out of 10 people in Britain watched England vs. Paraguay this weekend. With percentages those high, I'm honestly surprised they're not higher.

Exactly who isn't watching football in England right now? I'm sure even Pete Doherty timed his crack binges and smack comedowns to coincide perfectly with the Tunisia vs. Saudia Arabia match today.

R.I.P. Billy Preston

Thuggin' NBA Finals Predictions

Heat - Mavericks

There is really no favorite in this matchup. Both were second in their conference and both, as far as the franchises go, have no Finals history whatsoever. Yet, both teams are just damn ballerific. They can score in different ways, they play defense, have good chemistry, etc. So, yeah, good stuff.

Miami has followed a more traditional path to the Finals; a legendary coach, a dominant center, an unstoppable two-guard, Hall-of-Fame-caliber role players, random jack-ass that doesn't deserve to be there,



while the Mavs have gone the route of building around a finely-oiled Teutonic death machine.



I may be the only one understanding this comparison, Dirk and his Mavs as a supercharged version of AI and his Sixers circa 2001,



but I'm going down with the ship. In those Finals, the Lakers led by a dominant center, an unstoppable two-guard, Hall-of-Fame-caliber role players, and a random jack-ass that doesn't deserve to be there,



pretty handily defeated the Sixers, built around their own death machine. This one, from Virginia.



Of course, there are a few holes in this theory. Meaning I'd take Jason Terry and Josh Howard over Eric Snow and Tyrone Hill. Shit, I'd even take Darrell Armstrong and Marquis Daniels over Aaron McKie and George Lynch.

God, that team was so fucking bad. That, alone, should ensure Larry Brown's legacy.

Anyway, this will be a good series.

Heat in 7

Geezers Need Excitement

Straight off the MySpace blog of Mike Skinner aka The Streets:

Spoke to Reebok about things and I've decided to run the New York marathon. I know it seems a bit long but if people do it dressed as milk cartons it can't be that hard, right?

What the fuck? How do you go from rapping about smoking crack with a British pop star to deciding to run 26 miles? Homeboy makes concept albums about being lazy and getting wasted. Who wants to listen to this dude go on about drinking protein shakes and doing crunches every morning?

Get your mind right, Skins.

Steve Nash is Runnin' Shit Right Now

This is the exact moment that Steve Nash has entered superstar unfuckwittable celebrity big baller status. That's quite a feat for a Canadian athlete. I think he may be up there alone with Gretzky. And there aren't as many NBAers, current or past, that are at this level as well. Dudes that make news just by showing up at a place and/or dudes that my parents know about and would recognize easily. Put more succintly, a Brad Pitt level of celebrity.

Playing right now, there's the aforementioned Nash, Shaq, AI (even that's a stretch, though), Kobe, LeBron and that may be about it.

Retired, there's Magic, Jordan, Barkley, Bird (though he probably never goes anywhere), Bill Russell (too old to count, really), Bill Walton (too lame to count), Clyde Frazier (at least in New York), Kareem and that may be it, as well. I'm sure I'm missing some people but the NBA is not the universally accpeted passtime that baseball or football is.

Anyway, back to Nash. He's got two MVP trophies in a row(That will never not be bizarre. I don't care how great he is.), Nelly Furtado name-dropping him in a song and he does stuff like dress like a total douchebag and show his chest-hair to a group of sorority girls and I don't even think any less of him.

As for Nelly,



word in the T-Dot gossip cirlces is that Nashty is getting all up in the newly-proclaimed promiscous chick. Who knows if this is true. But they're both hippie-ish, they're both from Victoria, BC and they both have significant others. In Nash's case, a Paraguayan supermodel, the mother of his twins. In Nelly's case, some dude who's definitely not cooler than Steve Nash. I think she just had a kid, too, though.

So, yeah, we'll see what happens with all this. But Nash, welcome to the American pop culture lexicon. It'll be quite a ride.

Playoff Juice! The State of the Final Four

I'll admit it. I haven't paid all that much attention to the Conference Finals. Pistons-Heat, I have no interest in watching til the 4th quarter and I've just been busy whenever the Suns and the Mavs have been going at it. But, from what I have seen of these four teams, I've been pretty surprised.

Detroit Pistons



Quite simply, this team is unrecognizable from the group that took the Spurs to Game 7 last year and even the crew that was the best regular season team by far. The only Piston that can be proud of his performance is Tayshaun Prince. Everyone else, their act is just wearing thin. Chauncey is playing with a sense of entitlement, Sheed just won't stop complaining, Rip is looking skinnier by the day and Big Ben can't even hit a quarter of his free throws. Even worse, they're all taking thinly-veiled shots at Flip Saunders through the press. This team used to be a scary defensive juggernaut. Now they look like they need to be blown up. I never thought this squad would go out like this. It almost looks like they don't want to play together anymore. If they lose this series, we may have seen the last of Ben in Motown.

Miami Heat



As my homey Jit Dawg noted last week, Shaq basically took the regular season off. And now, the benefits are obvious. Diesel really hasn't looked this good since the last time the Lake Show won it all. Driving coast-to-coast for a layup, spinning off Big Ben for the dunk, hitting hook shots. He's in shape. And Dwyane would be face of the NBA if there wasn't a freakish 21-year-old point-forward up there in Northern Ohio. But in this round, he's just totally unstoppable. He's missed like 6 shots since the first round and he's getting to the line like a bastard. Most importantly, like last year's Pistons and Spurs, this team finally seems to be having fun. It looks like they've gotten all their issues sorted out and, with Shaq's window closing quickly, they may be the hungriest group left. I didn't give them much of a chance before the playoffs started, but now, they're a coin-flip to win it all.

Phoenix Suns



It was inevitable. With a team devoid of 7-footers, without their dominant post presence, with their two best defensive players on the sideline for this series, with a defensively lacking point guard with a bad back, I'm surprised they held on this long. But they're crashing. I'm not even sure if they're having fun out there anymore. How could they be? Say, they somehow get past Dirk. Is Boris Diaw gonna D up Shaq? Does Tim Thomas have any chance against Sheed? These thoughts have to be in the back of their collective minds. There's only so much abuse one team of skinny bastards can take before they break down. This is what we're witnessing.

Dallas Mavericks



This team seemingly has it all. They really remind me of the Sixers team that made the finals in 2001 right down to the overzealous creepy billionaire owner that probably scares most of the players. With no exceptions, this team is built around one amazing player, Dirk, just like that crew was built around AI. Everyone on the team is there to make Dirk's job easier. Jason Terry is there to take some pressure off Dirk late in the game. Josh Howard, Diop and Dampier exist to take the defensive pressure off of him. Stack is around to ease the scoring load. Marquis kills everyone who gives the German a weird look. And Van Horn is around just so Dirk can be reminded how fucking amazing he really is. In a way, they're all his bodyguards just as Eric Snow and Dikembe and the boys were there for Iverson. And Avery is pretty much a younger, god-fearing Larry Brown. Emphasizes defense and team play and takes absolutely no shit, no matter who you are.

Still, though, I'm not sure if I'm sold on this team. Are they really ready to be canonized into the Great Teams Pantheon? Don't they need another superstar? Another borderline Hall-of-Fame type? Even last year's Spurs squad had Big Shot Rob.

The Ramblings of a Knicks Fan

Knicks fans these days are pretty much on the brink of total insanity. They just refuse to give up. Anyway, this was unsolicited. And here it is in all its unadulterated glory. I interjected a few times. But it didn't matter. I think he was in a trance or something. Take it away, Ra Boogie:

RM2129: i think i have a good prediction what will happen to Knicks
RM2129: First: We keep larry as a coach
RM2129: for 3 years
RM2129: durin his third year... we trade marbury's expiring contract
RM2129: for who you ask?
RM2129: Allen Iverson
RM2129: Allen Iverson has probably suffered a serious injury at this point of his career which is why we have gotten him
RM2129: Larry Brown/Isiah than trade for Eric Snow
RM2129: Larry is finally happy that he has his backcourt back together
RM2129: than around the half way point of the season he starts looking at his bench to call dikembe mutombo into the game... until Herb Williams reminds him that he is not on the team nor has he been on the team during larry's tenear in New York
RM2129: Larry responds by calling Herb a liar and shortly after Larry is let go by the knicks becuase of being senial
RM2129: when Herb goes to tell Isiah what happened, he is found in his office blowing coke off a hookers ass w/ his old pistons jersey on
RM2129: put that in your blog
RM2129: damn, i just wrote a whole story for you on the future of the knicks
RM2129: i am also workin on compiling a letter to the team and telling them what i think
RM2129: i will be sure to give you a copy

Desmond Dekker R.I.P.

Thuggin' Conference Finals Predictions

Not to be all boastful, but I've been pretty solid in my predictions. If Cliff Robinson hadn't bong-ripped the Nets' season away, I might even be batting 1.000. Let's get to some picks.

Western Conference

Mavs-Suns

Both teams are dead-tired after their respective 7-game series. But Dallas has the momentum. Beating the Spurs in 7 games has really put them into a different echelon. For the Suns, though, they were supposed to beat the Clips. Furthermore, deep down, everyone knows that this should've been a Semifinal matchup. Anyway, the Mavs are ridiculously stacked and there's no reason they can't win it all this year. They're peaking at the right time and they have no health or chemistry issues (as far as I can see.) Furthermore, Elton Brand was totally unstoppable against PHX, so I would imagine that Dirk will put up about 35 per. Plus, speedsters like Jason Terry and Devin Harris will be able to keep up with Nashty. Still, though, you gotta the Suns something of a chance. Mike D is my roll-dawg.

Mavs in 6

Pistons-Heat

This one will be an all-out war. Before LeBron pushed Detroit to the limit, I saw the Pistons rolling right through the NBA this spring. But, now, I have to reevaluate my stance. It's a little scary that Detroit refused to take the Cavs seriously until the last minute of Game 6 and that's not gonna fly when they're playing Miami. Still, though, it's gonna be hard for Shaq to stay on the floor against the Wallace Bros. and Chauncey and Rip will basically have their way with WHIT EBOY and Garyatric. For the Heat, to advance Dwyane needs to get his Elgin Baylor on. Yes, his Elgin Baylor. In any case, I see this being a lot like the Cleveland series. Miami will hang around, it'll come down to a patented Game 7 Pistons blowout at the Palace and that damn bell will keep going off and McDyess will have some nice put-back dunks and maybe even Kelvin Cato will see some floor-time.

Pistons in 7

Larry Hughes Keeps it Thoro

It's a watershed moment in the history of the NBA. Larry Hughes aka Tattoo McGee just might be the first NBA baller with ink on his face. Larry got a couple teardrops, as you can see, to honor his brother, who recently passed away at the age of 20 because of a heart problem.

I can't recall anyone else in the Association who's gotten a tat on his face. I don't know what all those Jason Terry face tattoos queries were about. Am I forgetting someone?

Hang in There, Barbaro

Was Babe Ruth Real?

I was chillin' with my man Ra Boogie yesterday when the news came through that Barry Bonds had, indeed, hit his 714th home run tying Babe Ruth's legendary total.

This got us both to thinking. Not about Barry. His story's been documented ad nauseum (even on these pages).



But, rather, his accomplishment made us think about the Bambino's legacy. The things that he accomplished, 70, 80 years ago, are just beyond mind-blowing. Simply, he dominated baseball like nobody has dominated any other game, ever. Even a cursory look at his stats proves that he was greater, relatively speaking than MJ. Jordan won 6 championships. The Babe won 7 World Series.



Still, as Ra said "Are we sure that Babe Ruth existed? I mean, I know Jordan existed. I saw him play. But who has ever seen Babe Ruth play. What proof is there?" I can't say I completely disagree. Aside from some grainy phots and some stock newsreel footage of Babe hitting some balls and standing around with Lou Gehrig, what proof is there? I know this isn't the forum to ask this question. Not too many octogenarians are cruising the Internets looking for info on Jason Terry's face tattoo. But his accomplishments are so spectacular that for me, this question has to be asked. If you get a few minutes, just check out his Wikipedia entry. Homey defined the phrase ballin' outta control.

The Dream's Over

I give the Mavs about a 50/50 chance to take out the Spurs in San An on Monday, but the Cavs are gonna get blown the fuck out in Detroit tomorrow. We've all seen Game 7s in Motown. The fans are all drunk and crazy and looking to burn shit once the game ends. That damn bell sounds whenever Ben Wallace gets a rebound. Chauncey hits big shot after big shot.

Not to get all FreeDarko up in this piece, but this whole situation is kind of like Plato's Allegory of the Cave.



A week ago, I would've been fine seeing the Pistons win it all this year. I was actually getting into them, how they're starting 5 is completely perfect and how they all play off each other and make up for each other's faults, how they're pretty much the team I always try to design when I play NBA Live. But then I saw the beautiful light of LeBron taking over the league at the age of 21. And now, of course, I can't go back.

It's like Bush won all over again. Well, not that bad.

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Let's Go Cavs! Let's Go Cavs!

I have unabashedly jumped on the Cleveland Cavaliers bandwagon. As I'm sure everybody, who's not from Michigan, has. As requested, these are the reasons why the Cavs have a real chance to beat the NBA's best regular season team.

1. LeBron is on some next-level shit. This kind of goes without saying, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it. He's quietly been doing what Kobe almost pulled off against the Suns. Playing good team ball, but taking over the game when it's neccessary. That's really the only way to stand a chance against a squad that can get it going like the Pistons can. I mean, anybody that can pull this outfit off at a funeral,



can really do anything they want.

2. The Cavs are rallying around Larry Hughes. Said funeral Bron and the boys were attending was that of Hughes' 20-year-old brother, Justin. There's no need to really go into the whole incredibly sad story, but, Tattoo McGee, probably Cleveland's second-best all-around player, was pretty destroyed by his younger brother's death, to the point that he's taking this series, possibly the most important one of his career, off. And nobody on the team has a problem with that, as they shouldn't. Rather, bench guys like Flip Murray and Anderson Varejao are jumping at the chance to make up for Larry's production. And this gives the team extra motivation. Winning it for one of their leaders and, maybe, extending the season just enough so he can make his triumphant return to the court. Make no mistake, if Hughes does come back, the entire state of Ohio will go ballistic. I'm assuming, of course. I've only been to Cleveland once and that was for about 4 hours, so I'm really no authority on Ohioans.

3. Sheed made a stupid-ass guarantee.



The prevailing logic was the Pistons are the better team, Sheed is a veteran, he's been there before, he knows what he's doing when he said his team will "bust Cleveland's ass" and shut down their arena for the season. There's no better motivation for a young bullish team that already has the us against the world mentality than to hear a crackhead from the other side tell them how it's going to go down. Furthermore, this just showed the world how arrogant these dudes are and how they, admittedly, are looking past one of the best in game. I'm usually a big-time Sheed apologist, but he went too far this time. And he sprained his ankle.

4. The Pistons have no bench. I heard some stat last night that Detroit's second unit had only scored something like 23 points in the last three games. No need to belabor this point, but that's not a good sign. But, just think if Dwyane Wade, Melo, or Chris Bosh was coming off the bench for this squad.

5. Flip Saunders is in over his head.



He seems like a genuinely good guy and he was a pretty seamless successor to Larry Brown, but let's not forget that he lost eight (?) straight first-round matchups with a squad led by Kevin Garnett. It took Sam Cassell, basically a coach on the floor, to get his team to the Western Conference Finals. There's gotta be a reason for this. My feeling is that Flip's just not gangsta enough for the Pistons. They need a scary dude to beat their ass when they fuck up. I don't see Saunders talking shit to the likes of Chauncey, Sheed and Ben Wallace. He's too laid-back and offensive-minded to be a first-rate post-season coach. This season kind of proved that the Pistons knew exactly what they had to do to get by, no matter who their coach is, but in the playoffs, even a veteran battle-tested crew like this needs a little prodding from time to time. It seems like LB knew the exact buttons to push to get these guys going. Flip looks a little lost.

None of this, though, is to say that the series is over. The Pistons were down 3-2 to the Nets in 2004 before they won six of their next seven games en route to the title. And, I'd be shocked if this game didn't come down to a Game 7 in Detroit. But, I'm shocked that the Cavs have a lead at this point. So, from here on out, anything's possible.

Anger . . . Still a Gift

Last night, I happened to listen to Stankonia for the first time in a long while. This is definitely an oversight on my part, but in the great CD to MP3 Changeover of 2005, Outkast's fourth disc kind of got lost in the mix.

Now, Aquemini is still my favorite. End to end, it's pretty much a classic. Meaning, for me, I can listen to it all the way through. For "Stank," I gotta stop after "Humble Mumble."

But, those 15 songs are probably the best stuff they've done. Listening to it last night, for the first time in a couple years, I just realized, these dudes are fucking pissed.

On tracks like "Gasoline Dreams", "Snappin' & Trappin'" and, of course, "Bombs Over Baghad", which is right up there with "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the best songs ever discussion,



Big Boi, Dre, Killer Mike, that reggae dude, are just screaming into their mics.

And, really, today what's fucking with that?

Why where they that pissed? Back in 1999, 2000? Those innocent days. When Big Homey was still in office. Why were they that pissed?



I have no damn idea. But, I do know it was before Dre was in movies with John Travolta.

When My Cell Phone Echo, I Swear They Listenin'

While the rest of the world starts to take sides for World War III (China, Russia, Iran, Venezuela vs. U.S and Israel for those keeping score), at home everyone's worried about NSA phone taps and all that fun stuff.

My question: Really, who is surprised about this?

I knew this back in high school when I'd ask the Weedman to drop off 2 CDs. Around the same time, Nas, Dre, AZ and Foxy Brown spelled it out for us.



Before that every gangster movie ever made had scenes where dudes were talking greazy in cornfields, deserts, supermarkets.

Who didn't get the memo that you don't talk about illegal shit over the phone?

Of course, people will say that the stakes are higher after 9/11 or the scope is wider now. Well, that may be the case, but if people are serious about taking down this administration (and it doesn't seem like anybody really is) can't we do a little bit better than this? Didn't Bush put a CIA opeartive's life in danger? Didn't he invade a country using faulty intelligence? Didn't this result in the loss of over 2,000 American lives and over 100,000 Iraqi lives? Didn't he steal the election in the first place?

I'm sure this NSA scandal is very illegal and very frigthening to our civil liberties. But, honestly, I'm sure Clinton did some wiretapping while he was in office. I'm sure Kennedy did, too, and I'm sure, back in the day, Honest Abe screened letters going through the Pony Express. Spying on their citizens is just something that governments do.

Does Jason Terry Have a Tattoo on His Face?

I'm pretty sure he didn't when I saw him interviewed last night. But I've gotten two referrals this morning looking for "Jason Terry face tattoo," so something has to be up. If so, he'd be the first NBA baller with ink on his face. A pretty big distinction if you ask me.

But, he doesn't seem like that type of dude. The way he talks and acts, you just know he's gonna have a job on ESPN or something after he retires. So did Tim Hardaway, though, and I wouldn't have been surprised if he showed up one day with a condor inked on his forehead.

Tri-State Hoops Update

It's been real, guys!

Let's start off with the New Jersey Nets.

Down 3-1 to Antoine Walker and the Miami Heat, the season's effectively over. I know that Phoenix came back from 3-1 a couple weeks ago, but the Nets are just not gonna do it. They lost both games at home, have no depth now that Blunt Wrap Robinson is out and they are being out-coached and severely out-shooting-guarded.

So, if J-Kidd ever wants to see a championship in the Swamp, big changes are in order.

First, I hate to say it but it's time for Vince to get his move on. Make no mistake, when he's on, he's just about as unguardable as Kobe or Dwyane. But, when he's off, it's pretty embarrassing. He doesn't really have an amazing all-around game to fall back on and he just loves jacking up 30-foot jump shots. Quite simply, he's not tough enough to be a playoff standout. He'll entertain the fuck out of you in the regular season, but once the second season starts, I don't want him on my squad any more.

So, trade Vince as fast as you can. Make it a draft-day deal, even. His value's never gonna be higher and there are legions of teams out there that would love to have him to boost attendance, if nothing else. I'm not gonna start concocting weird trades like I'm Chad Ford or some shit, but I'll just say there are a few good big guys in the draft this year. And KG.

I'm also not all that sure about L-Frank. As a coach, he may be more suited to the regular season as well. When the Nets were murking fools in the playoffs back a few years ago, J-Kidd was doing the assassinating. He magically discovers his jump shot in the fourth quarter. I'm not sure why Frank has failed to realize this during his tenure. Wasn't he on the bench both times NJ was in the Finals?

Also, somebody wanna D up on Toine? We all know he's a pretty crappy shooter, but that's said assuming somebody gets within 10 feet of him while he's shooting.

As for the Knicks, I really don't have much to say. I thought I did, but really, what more could I add to the discussion? It'll just be fun to see Isiah totally fucking run this team into the ground next year.



I guess that's about it.

What's That Shit You Been Smoking?

Ticalllllll!

Losing Cliff Robinson to a 5-game drug suspension actually really hurts my Nets' chances. The Heat got some big dude playing center for them and stuff.

Still, even though he's put my team in a tough position, Uncle Cliffy is really one amazing dude. To be 39, still blazing regularly (I mean he's not even taking the playoffs off) and be a respectable NBA baller who can take on the likes of Shaq and Jermaine O'Neal? Spectacular.

Real Talk

Thanks Ghostface:

"New York lost the crown because the New York deejays gave the crown away for some fucking money. New York be bullshitting. Right now, I say fuck New York. Yeah, I'm from New York, but fuck New York. Because n*ggas is pussy. They is so quick to jump on the next man's dick and can't even deal with what they got in front of they face . . . I knew New York was wack when they shot my man Amadou Diallo forty-one fucking times and ain't nobody stand up."



But if that shit happen in L.A. somewhere, they would have went to bat for Amadou Diallo. It would have been hell. Stores getting burnt the fuck up."



New York don't stand for nothing."

Thugs of the Week: People Are Dumb

I try to keep it postive up in this bitch, but there's been some serious bullshit going down this week.

Tatyana Simanava



Via The Superficial, comes the story of this lovely lady:

Glamorous model Tatyana Simanava nearly became a tragic fashion victim yesterday - stepping off the runway of a moving bus and tumbling out the door onto the Gowanus Expressway.

The 21-year-old model had been traveling to a Staten Island photo shoot with other members of international agency Next Models, cops said.

She somehow got disoriented after stepping into a passageway outside the bathroom of the luxury bus.

"There was a door leading back inside the bus to her left, and one leading out of the bus to her right," said a traffic cop at the scene.

"I guess she got disoriented."

I just love it when stereotypes are lived up to. Whether it's a cop relative showing up at a family party with a Dunkn' Donuts coffee or an article in URB invariably tossing out a blunt-rolling reference or in this case a blonde supermodel acting a damn fool, these things are just awesome.

Star



Then there's this waste of life. Threatening to piss on a 4-year-old girl? On a radio program heard by millions? Are you fucking kidding me? In my mind, there are only two real explanations for this. One, he was high as a motherfucker. Two, he wanted to get fired. Back last year when I was sitting in traffic on Route 4 most mornings, I would occassionally listen to Star's morning show on Power 105. While I didn't exactly enjoy the show, he's definitely an intelligent guy. He had to know he was crossing the line. He had to realize that Clear Channel was writing his checks.

Busta Rhymes



This is hard for me to write, but I have officially given up on Bus-a-Bus. I caught the video for his new track, "I Love My Chick" (yes, that's the real name of the song) and, well, the hook is sung by Will.I.Am.



This is what we've been waiting three years for? A Busta/Black Eyed Pea collabo? It pains me to admit it but I can say with certainty that we'll never hear a classic Busta album. I've heard three songs from The Big Bang, this crap, "New York Shit" and, of course, "Touch It" and I'm not that impressed.

Juwan Howard



The Winona Ryder of this NBA shit, JuHow stands accused of shoplifting a $2,000 pair of sunglasses from a shop in Miami. Honestly, that's all I got. This really boggles my mind.

Stay dry this weekend.